I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize