I heard we made out
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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