Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
