All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
did i just pee glitter
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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