just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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