You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
