You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We need to rekindle our bromance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
