Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
