having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
