Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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