Dude my mom stole all your condoms
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
