someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
