look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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