I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
