just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
