Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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