It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
