8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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