I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
