"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
