My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
