He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
