Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
