It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
