The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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