im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
