i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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