I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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