I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
