finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
