the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize