so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
