omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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