I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize