shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
