What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
