I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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