she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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