I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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