So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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