If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
