I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
