Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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