Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
