Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Randomize