he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
