Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
