I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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