I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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