you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
