Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
