This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
