dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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