He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
