idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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