Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
