careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
