It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
