I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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