Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
