I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
