mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
