I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize