I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
