no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
