Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize