In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
