Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
